Mafia Seduction
by Working-On-Sanity
Summary: He was a baby. What was this talk about "mafia seduction?" Tsuna hates how Reborn is only an infant, but somehow has the wisdom of an adult. Tsuna should learn to keep his mouth shut –– because he might learn exactly what mafia seduction is. 802759


**MAFIA SEDUCTION**

**Summary: **He was a baby. What was this talk about '_mafia seduction_?' Tsuna hates how Reborn is only an infant, but somehow has the wisdom of an adult. Tsuna should learn to keep his mouth shut –– because he might learn exactly what mafia seduction is.

**Author's Note: **_Katekyo Hitman Reborn_ challenge? I accept. A_ Reborn_ one-shot from 1000-5000 words? Harder. I can't write one-shots. So I went back and read over the first chapters of the manga (this is set in the Daily Life arc, since it's so much less complex than later arcs) and lo, behold, a few panels spoke to me.

When Kyoko is gushing over Reborn, and Tsuna asks Reborn how he manages to get her to like him, Reborn tells Tsu-kun that it's just "mafia seduction." So I read too much into that and made a short fiction on that subject.

**WARNING: **This is _just _crack. _It's not intended to be serious. _Crackity crack crack ya'll.

* * *

><p>"I hate you."<p>

Reborn made no attempt at reply, only continuing to idly jiggle his foot and smile coyly at Tsuna. The redhead was contorting his expression into a peevish grimace as he angrily scratched the lead of his pencil into the sheet of paper below him.

Looking up when he didn't receive an answer, Tsuna scowled at the smirking infant, his brows lowering to shadow his round amber eyes.

"I hate you," he repeated stubbornly.

Reborn disinterestedly tilted his head, coolly flicking back the wide brim of his fedora.

"You can't hate me," he contradicted knowingly, that familiar glint passing through his button-like orbs of black.

"Why not?" Tsuna retorted, jamming his pencil into the leaf of homework. He felt some small twinge of satisfaction at seeing the small dent his violent action created in the paper.

"Mafia seduction," Reborn sagely nodded, ignoring Tsuna's doleful tone. "It's impossible for you to hate me. I've bewitched you."

Tsuna dropped the pencil, forcefully curling his fingers into his clumps of auburn hair.

"No! You can't do something like that –– it's stupid," he convinced himself weakly. "There's no such thing as 'mafia seduction.'"

"But there is," Reborn reminded, waggling his finger pointedly. "You're old enough to know about it, Stupid Tsuna."

"That's the problem!" the teenager barked. "You're only a baby, but you still manage to talk about these weird things that I don't understand!"

Appearing to be unaffected by the outburst, the small Italian shrugged.

"That's why I'm here," he offhandedly stated. "It's my duty to ensure that you learn everything there is to know about the mafia. And mafia-style seduction is just one of those things."

"So you're subconsciously teaching me that?" Tsuna shrieked, his voice cracking as it escalated with horror.

"Yes," Reborn hummed contentedly, all too obviously pleased with his own doings. "I'm such a good tutor that you're learning things and don't even realize it."

"Now you're just getting cocky," Tsuna submissively grumbled. "And I don't _want _to learn how to seduce people, anyway. What good could that ever be?"

"Plenty," the infant declared. "Say there's this boy –– "

"Why a boy?" Tsuna inquired helplessly.

"Quiet," Reborn ordered, miffed at being interrupted; drawing the gleaming silver pistol from beneath his hat, he cocked the weapon with a soft click. Tsuna immediately fell silent.

"As I was saying," he went on, "suppose there's a boy. A boy who likes girls. Now, this boy is from another mafia family, and he's holding key information on an assassination order. You want him to tell you everything he knows, but he won't spill anything. With mafia seduction, and with the right tactics, you could have that boy so wrapped around your finger that he would tell you anything –– even though you're not a girl."

"It's _that_ powerful?" Tsuna gaped. He wouldn't deny that the idea sounded fairy convenient, but nonetheless was rather disturbing to mentally picture.

_If I used mafia seduction, that means I would be able to get Kyoko-chan to fall head over heels for me... _he mused contemplatively.

_It's kind of cheating, though. I'd want her to like me on her own, not by forced seduction. But then, she might talk about me to Haru, and then Haru would get the idea that I'm even better than I actually am. So Haru would start liking me even more, and then her and Kyoko-chan would constantly fight over me. Why am I even thinking about this?_

"... And so, to help you better learn the technique," Reborn was saying, "I've asked some of the Family to come over to help you practice."

It took Tsuna a moment to realize what Reborn meant. Family? Family was nice. Helping was nice, too. And when family helped each other, it caused soft cottony feelings to root in their stomachs...

"Wait, what?" he blankly questioned, the dreamily-wavering haze fading from his eyes. He suspiciously regarded Reborn, having the nagging premonition that the hitman had been explaining something very important.

Reborn frowned disapprovingly. "Tsuna, I don't like to say the same things over and over again. While you were slobbering over your desk about the Sasagawa girl, I told you that Gokudera and Yamamoto will be coming over, soon."

"How'd you know I was thinking about Kyoko-chan?" Tsuna cried in disbelief.

"I'm a mind-reader, too. Didn't I mention it before?" Reborn let his smile deepen at Tsuna's apparent chagrin.

"No way!" the Vongola groaned, slumping until his forehead fell against his crossed forearms. A bereft exhale swept past his lips; he didn't _want _Yamamoto or Gokudera in his room. In his house, even. It seemed as if the very second that the sole of Gokudera's foam thong sandals met the carpet of the Sawada home interior, an utterly chaotic frenzy began.

"I wish you'd stop inviting those people without even asking me," he muttered.

If Reborn felt any regret, he didn't allow it to be revealed. "Well, it looks like it might be a little too late, am I right?"

His tiny hand gestured expansively to the open door of the bedroom, and Tsuna miserably turned to peer at his undesired visitors.

"Hi, Tenth!" Gokudera greeted cheerfully, waving at his classmate. Heavy brass rings clicked against one another on his fingers, large clumsy bracelets sliding down his wrist. Yamamoto stood behind him, a broad grin of amusement stretching across his mouth.

"Yo, Tsuna," he acknowledged brightly, golden eyes closing as he cocked his head teasingly. "Reborn called us over to spend the evening. We're going to play mafia flirting."

"What the _what_?" Gokudera turned his head, squinting at Yamamoto as if daring him to elaborate on the subject. "Who ever said anything about mafia flirting?" he blandly questioned, as if the phrase left a bitter flavor on his tongue. "I thought we were here to train."

"You're both right, in a way," Reborn deftly corrected. "We're going to train our senses, social skills, and negotiation abilities by practicing the art of mafia seduction on one another."

Gokudera had no idea what was being said, but the way it sounded excited him, riling his adrenaline enough to have the pads of his fingers quivering to be pressed against a tube of explosives.

"That's asylum, deep-end, nutcase crazy," Tsuna mumbled helplessly. His aura blatantly lacked enthusiasm –– the instant that he gave a complainingly sour remark, Gokudera straightened his posture, adjusting the collar of his blouse nonchalantly to pretend that he had never anticipated the training.

"Loser Tsuna," Reborn sternly warned, "you'll never be able to become the Boss if you never _do_ anything. I want you to train with the Family."

Having all the attention focused on himself made Tsuna squirm in his chair. He wasn't fond of either Gokudera or Yamamoto –– Reborn either, for that matter. Why had it been forced upon _him _to be drafted into the mafia?

"Fine, fine," he groused, rousing himself from his seat. Shoving his fingers into his pockets, he trudged to where the two high school students were standing and situated himself discreetly at Gokudera's side.

"Now," Reborn began authoritatively, "everyone will have a chance to pit their own seduction technique against another. Tsuna, you'll use one on Gokudera. Yamamoto, you'll try with Tsuna. And Gokudera, you see if you can work one out with Yamamoto."

"What about you, Reborn-san?" Gokudera questioned nervously, sneaking a wayward glance at Tsuna. He wasn't keen on the prospect of Tsuna attempting to provoke him, but as long as it would benefit their advancing into the league of acceptable Vongola, he would overlook how nauseatingly disgusting and unhygienic it sounded.

"I _would_ seduce _all _of you," Reborn proclaimed. "If you three ever were able to get to my level of experience, you could have somebody naked and on the floor in five minutes flat, before they even knew what happened."

There was a stunned pause. Then Yamamoto began to chuckle anxiously, while Gokudera's face began to prickle with heat –– Tsuna's reaction was one of terror.

"You aren't going to _do _anything, are you?" He pressed his palm to his closed eyelids in embarrassment as the inquiry left his mouth –– of course Reborn wasn't going to do anything. He was a child. A baby. What was there for him to do?

"Tsuna, don't underestimate me," the Arcobaleno slyly reminded. "I could have you, Gokudera, and Yamamoto doing whatever I wanted in a fraction of a second."

That boast did not go unheeded.

"Yeah?" Gokudera nudged Tsuna's shoulder, glancing pointedly down at the shorter boy as he gave a conspiratorial wink.

"I'll bet that the Tenth could do just as good as you, Reborn-san," he casually claimed. "Go ahead, Tenth. Do your best!"

"I-I-uh-muh..." Tsuna stammered incoherently as Gokudera looped his fingers around his wrist, guiding him to the bed. Tsuna immediately blanched as the Italian sat down, coaxing him to do the same; with a giddy grin of determination to make Reborn revoke his words, Gokudera crossed his legs, patiently awaiting a response.

"Well? Go ahead, Tsuna," Reborn smugly snickered. "Sweep Gokudera off his feet."

_I d-don't know where to start, _the redhead vehemently realized. _How do I _flirt _with someone like Gokudera-kun?_

Clamping his teeth over his tongue anxiously, Tsuna emitted an embarrassed giggle as he regarded Reborn's expectant face.

_Stupid baby... _he thought maliciously.

"So... um... Gokudera-kun," Tsuna began, frantically wracking his mind for something that he might say that wouldn't be implying anything.

"Would you like to go to the arcade later to play that new video game?"

_That was so idiotic that I'm surprised I even said it_, Tsuna groaned inwardly. But Gokudera seemed to have a much different impression of his skills.

"Tenth!" the bomber exclaimed shyly, his turquoise gaze shifting. His lips curved in a self-conscious pout as he clasped his hands, portraying a convincing epitome of a blushing teenage girl.

Tsuna gawked. Now he _knew _that Gokudera was faking exuberance. Warily, he observed as Reborn assessed the situation.

"Impressive, Tsuna," the Arcobaleno approved. "I'll admit that I wasn't prepared to see you actually doing something right. But that was okay, for a first try. At least you made Gokudera turn red."

"Oh, you," Gokudera huffed teasingly, twirling his thumbs in a play at attempting to distract himself from Reborn's surprised statement.

"Well, since that went so amazingly well," the infant continued, somewhat sarcastically, "Yamamoto can have his turn, now."

The tall brunet laughed easily, leaning against the door frame as he idly crossed his ankles. "I have to flirt with Tsuna? Alright," he resolved, "if you say so. But don't cry when I tell you that I can't stay with you forever, okay?"

Continuing to laugh uproariously at the mere concept, Yamamoto sauntered to the bed, sinking into the mattress to clap his hand over Tsuna's shoulder. An abrupt glint of resolution flitted into his honey-gold eyes, and his brows furrowed in intense concentration.

"Tsuna –– go out with me," he began steadily. "I promise that I'll buy you whatever you want. We'll play baseball together and go out to eat at the sushi restaurant, and afterward, we'll play baseball again. You can come to the restaurant with me and Gokudera, and we'll spend the day slicing fish with my father, and then, when we're finished, I'll take both of you out to a movie. Then, when I'm old enough to drive and we're still dating, I'll take you wherever you want to go. Back and forth to the baseball field and to the sushi restaurant, and then maybe –– "

"_Stop_!" Tsuna squawked, his mind reeling. Waving wildly as if to swat Yamamoto away, he leaned back; ramming into a solid mass, he gasped when Gokudera jostled with a start, choking with surprise as his breath was forcefully pushed from inside his chest.

Reborn made no display of approval, his dark eyes steely in a wordless warning –– contrary to the rest of his expression, a grin of enjoyment slit across his face. He closed his fingers over the rounded toes of his black loafers innocently as Tsuna squirmed to extricate himself from Yamamoto's eager embrace.

"That was great, Yamamoto," the baby nodded curtly. "Simple, but effective. Your devotion to orders is commendable –– after a proposal like that, I don't know if Tsuna will be able to move his head again for several days."

Apologetically, Yamamoto ceased in his rough playing, loosening the crook of his arm around Tsuna's neck. A brief glance at the redhead's blank features and glazed brown eyes confirmed the intensity of his verbal maneuvers.

"I'm sorry," he contritely offered, nudging Gokudera away in order to lower Tsuna's limp torso to rest on the bed. The mattress dipped beneath his light weight, and as the Vongola uttered a low string of muttered growls, Yamamoto sheepishly combed the broad fingers of one hand through his stiff dark ends of hair.

"What'd you _do _to him, you idiot?" Gokudera snapped viciously, jerking further from the brunet. He raked his gaze over Tsuna's muddled being, before swerving his glare around to pierce Yamamoto's forehead.

"Now, now, Gokudera," Reborn calmed, raising his small silver pistol suggestively. "Yamamoto only did what was asked of him. I daresay that I'm pleased by his performance."

"The Tenth did better," the delinquent sulked, lowering his head to scowl at the floor.

Ignoring that declaration, Reborn casually jabbed his thumb in Yamamoto's direction.

"You need to keep that mouth shut, Gokudera," he warned, "or at least, until you and Yamamoto are in the middle of seducing."

It took Gokudera a long moment to grasp the meaning of Reborn's statement, but when he did, his reaction was enjoyable to watch.

"No way!" Crossing his arms, his paper-mache bracelets jangling against one another quietly, Gokudera adamantly made a great display of his disgust.

"That's _putrid_," he emphasized. "And no. I am going to keep my mouth closed, I swear."

"Of course you will," Reborn wryly commented. "No one's getting any younger, now –– go ahead. Knock Yamamoto's sneakers off. I'm waiting."

"Ugh!" Grimacing at being prodded before he was prepared to conquer his task, Gokudera drew himself up to his full height and squared himself determinedly in front of Yamamoto.

"Fine, since I _have _to do this," he groused, "let's make it as fast as possible."

At his grouchiness, Yamamoto barely suppressed a satisfied grin. His golden irises reflected his oblivious mood, and it seemed that he was in no hurry to speed along in their session.

Gokudera was stunned by the lack of emotion he evoked from Yamamoto. He had anticipated a catty remark, something along the lines of "You _really _wan'na use up these precious seconds together, Gokudera?"

"Alright, Yama... _Yamamocchan_," the Italian sputtered, forcing the affectionate nickname from his lips. "You... you're going to fall in love with me, an-and you're going to enjoy every single stinkin' minute of it!"

Yamamoto stared flatly, no hint of pleasure or awe written in his features. For the first time that evening, he appeared honestly dumbfounded by Gokudera's actions.

Glancing toward Reborn for confirmation that he had been successful, Gokudera hopefully watched as the infant stood to his feet. Reborn lazily brushed nonexistent debris from the chest of his tuxedo jacket, and with painstaking slowness, turned his gaze to rest on Gokudera, who fidgeted nervously.

"You failed. Get out."

"W-what?" Stunned, Gokudera awkwardly let his arms drop to dangle uselessly against his sides, having been unprepared for such a result. He had _failed_?

"You can't force love onto people," Reborn explained briskly, noticing the downcast way Gokudera's expression crumpled. A small pinprick of sympathy stung his conscience, and feeling rather ruffled, Reborn waved, gesturing to the closed bedroom door.

"I won't blow you up," he decided graciously. "But you have to go now. Punishment for losing –– no sushi. Yamamoto, don't buy anything for Gokudera."

"Um... alright." Appearing to be considerably upset, Yamamoto uncomfortably stared down at his sneakers and battled his guilt.

"B-but you keep contradicting yourself," Gokudera interjected. "Sir." In his experience, when defying an authority, it was never harmful to address them in that manner.

Reborn critically regarded Gokudera's claim, one thin black eyebrow quirked with interest. "How so?"

Fitfully, Gokudera fumbled with one of his rings, twisting the platinum band around his knuckle. "Earlier... when you were talking about seduction, isn't it kind of _forced_? If you were to use mafia seduction on anyone, it would be forcing love onto them. And you just told me that you couldn't force love onto people. You know?"

Impatiently, Reborn scrutinized Gokudera's hopeful simper.

"Get out of my house."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>I tried to keep the writing style simple, so the main focus would be on dialogue and action. And I was also trying to keep within that quirky, bouncy style of the manga. And the ending was curt. I meant to do that.

Wait for it... _oh, holy Arceus I finished a one-shot!_


End file.
